kingzjewel @ MindSay

Once upon a time, your Daddy had two jobs and your Mommy had one. That was before we prayed to have a baby. Then Daddy kept two jobs and we had lots of money. You didn't have to worry. Your Mommy was taking care of herself and eating healthy every day so that you would benefit. When you were born, Mommy kept eating healthy and making sure you got all the vitamins you needed. Mommy fought through breastfeeding, no matter how much she wanted to give up thinking it was too hard. She did it for you. You benefited until you decided that you had enough at 12 1/2 mos old. My sweet baby. You still were okay. You still had Mommy's homemade baby foods and Daddy still made enough money to buy you everything you needed and more. People were generous then, too. They gave you toys and presents and clothing. Mommy and Daddy barely had to buy you anything at all, but we did because we love you.

Then Daddy lost his second job, with no explanation given. The employer just stopped calling him. It wasn't Daddy's fault or yours or mine. The lady just didn't need him anymore. The first job stopped paying tips. Daddy began feeling helpless as our money began to fade. God always made a way for us to have the essentials, though. We never went without the things we needed for our family. People were still generous then. You were small, so very small...people thought you needed all the help you could get.

Then Daddy found a new job and moved to a new place. He made more money at this job and thought he could save money by moving. He thought it would change our lives for the better. All it did was take our money away and make it virtually impossible to make a life for you. People weren't so generous then, baby. We don't know why. I guess people thought that you were growing well so they didn't need to help anymore.

Daddy and Mommy tried to buy a house for you, too. You would have had your own room. You wouldn't have had to live with anyone but Mommy and Daddy. Daddy's credit was exactly enough to get a house... then the house people gave up on Mommy and Daddy. Things kept coming in our way of getting a house. The house people ruined Daddy's credit. Then something bad happened in the place where we lived and we had to move again. We moved in with different people thinking again that we could save money, but that wasn't the case. There was a black hole in Mommy and Daddy's bank account. We don't know where it came from, but it sucked all the money out of our account every month for six months now.

I never thought that I would have to look you in your liquid brown innocent eyes and tell you "I'm sorry. Mommy can't afford that...." and it be about food. Cheerios, soy milk, salt free chips, peanut butter, wheat bread, flaxseed oil, peaches, grapes, chicken nuggets, oranges, apples, bananas, cookies..."I'm sorry, baby. Mommy can't afford that right now...." Praying that something changes when your Daddy gets into his new job...Praying that finally Mommy won't have to ever pronounce those words again. Praying that the little that I do have is enough for you right now. Daddy and Mommy are doing the best that they can with all they have. Daddy brings you grapes and nuggets from work. Mommy and Daddy eat, too. Thanking God every day that Daddy still works somewhere that he can bring food home to us. Mommy and Daddy love you baby. I'm sorry that you have to wear clothes that are too small. Mommy and Daddy are trying to keep up with your immense growth, even though we can't even get you flea market clothes right now.

We are praying that you become strong, independant, and debt free...never wanting for anything and never having to tell your children "I'm sorry, Daddy can't afford that right now...." about anything, especially food.

Seems like every time I find a way to get some money, something falls through. My business isn't working. My little thing putting the kid on the bus has been taken away. Finding work that I can do from here and still take care of you has not panned out. The business we paid for isnt paying for itself...and more and more money is being taken from us every month... Bounced checks...always negative by at the least $200...What am I supposed to do? I hold my hands up to God and ask Him to break this test...bring us to the mountaintop and out of our valley.

I made this public so that other people can see...Life isn't always what we think it will be. Life isn't always peaches and cream. Every Christian is not living a perfect life. Every Christian isn't walking without pain or struggle. To be a Christian is a struggle, to live holy is to suffer. Life is suffering for from the day we are conceived, we begin to die. Don't ever take for granted what you can do for yourself and your family. Give when you can give so that they know you aren't holding back when you can't. Let them know about the valleys and the mountaintops...never forgetting the lessons of the valley...they might keep you on the mountaintop longer.

2 screams - scream

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kingzjewel @ MindSay
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